Can't We All Just Get Along? The Shameless Antagonist Defends Bipartisanship... When George W. Bush campaigned for president he often proclaimed, "I’m a Uniter, and Not a Divider”. Sadly, this longed-for spirit of bipartisanship never blossomed into full flower. While it's tempting to point a finger at the Republican-dominated House, Senate, Judiciary, Administration, or mass media, I would advise my fellow Liberals that, as my father is fond of saying, "whenever you point a finger, several are pointing back at you"...We need to be conciliatory and willing to compromise; we need to go along to get along...In recent columns in left-leaning publications, I’ve noticed a tremendous amount of mean-spiritedness and bitterness that I feel, ultimately, will be counterproductive. Because of this, I’ve resolved to attempt to “walk a mile in the shoes” of my conservative brothers and sisters prior to judging them. You see, I also consider myself a uniter and not a divider—but this may have a lot to do with my lack of mathematical skill. As the stock market plummets, corporations crash to the ground, civil rights are violated on an unprecedented scale, and our tax dollars are given to private schools, I take solace in one irrefutable fact. The majority of Americans didn’t vote for George W. Bush. There is still hope for America. In the wake of Enron, World Com, the Jose Padilla case, Bush’s “Asleep at the Switch” approach to national security prior to September 11th, and of course, THE WAR, I’m convinced that many of my conservative friends will have a “Road to Damascus” experience like Jim Jeffords, and realize that the Bush Administration is leading the country down the road to ruin. In an effort to allow conservatives to save face prior to their conversion, I’d like to extend an olive branch and repent of some of vitriolic rhetoric I’ve engaged in since the fateful day the Supreme Court selected our illustrious leader. To my Conservative friends…First of all, I regret those insinuations about the relative girth and dexterity of your genitalia. Although Freud might draw conclusions about the sexual insecurities of those in favor of massive stocks of powerful warheads, I’m sorry for any conclusions I might have leapt to regarding your virility. I also regret the erroneous assumption I’ve made that Republicans are the “Daddy owns a Bank” crowd that inherited their wealth rather than earned it by the sweat of their brows. That’s an unfair stereotype which has, over the years, stigmatized untold numbers of Republicans; thereby forcing them to burrow further and further back into their bunkers, gated communities, and expensive private schools. I’m also dreadfully sorry for my tendency to question your patriotism and commitment to democratic ideals; I’m sure that your rationale against supporting education levies was in no way tainted by a desire for personal gain in the form of tax refunds. Finally, my most recent comment, regarding the president, was way out of line. Asking where Dick Chaney has to insert his hand “in order to make George’s lips move” was blatantly disrespectful of the office of the presidency, and I regret my sentiments, however heartfelt they may have been at the time. As our greatest modern president Bill Clinton was fond of saying, “Americans work best when we work together”. Because I believe this, please accept my humble apologies. Nevertheless, let me reiterate my opinion. The president is a complete tool. Join me..Vote for anyone but Bush in the upcoming elections. I promise a BIG HUGE BIPARTISAN GROUP HUG when the results come in!