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Thursday, February 26, 2004

Join the Shameless Religion

In an effort to obtain federal Faith Based Charities funds, I'm starting my own religion, and you're all welcome to join! This religion will combine all the major religions with refreshing syncretism drawing from animism and Taoism infused for good measure. I'll encourage all of you to view this faith--although it's entirely derivative--as the "one true religion" divinely revealed to the 'Shameless Antagonist', the one true prophet of the most high ( his real name shalt not be uttered). This will enable you, as my followers, to feel priviliged and blessed compared to all the other benighted souls living in ignorance. It doesn't matter my brethren, that there are only a handful of you--all religions started this way--in fact, this means there are that many more people to feel superior to!

The guiding principle of The Shameless Faith will be a concept hereafter referred to in comparative religion textbooks as 'tailored morality'.

Tailored morality means the only prohibited behavior is that which you yourself are not tempted to engage in.

For example, if you're a homosexual, hetrosexual contact is strictly prohibited. If you've never liked hockey very much, hockey pucks will be anethema. If you don't like meat, your piety is evident each time you don't eat a burger. If you're poor, obviously your virtue will be evident by the fact that you don't engage in conspicuous consumption; if you're rich and drive a Benz, that's obviously a sign of God's blessing. Greed: Is it a mortal sin or a stimulant to the economy?...You be the judge!

...On second thought, maybe the Shameless Faith already exists.

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