So They Stole Your Lawn Sign... Passions are high this October, and there has been an epidemic of campaign lawn sign theft. Because the crime is so widespread, quantifying the amount of lawnsign vandalism is impossible. My suspicion, however, is that more Kerry supporters are victims of such crimes. My reasoning is as follows: 1) The Republican party benefits the most from low voter turnout. 2) A keyword google search for "Kerry" + "lawn sign" + "theft" yields more hits than "Bush" + "lawn sign" + "theft". 3) Republicans pack heat. In any event, it doesn't really matter. There should be no sign theft by anyone, period. Everyone has a right to their opinion, and sign thieves of every political persuasion are an affront to our democracy. Here are three ways to safeguard your lawn sign: 1. The doggie-doo barricade: Let their crimes stink to high heaven--and stain their carpet. 2. Coat your sign with bacon grease, or any other staining, greasy substance. 3. Poison Ivy makes a lovely decorative garnish ( I got that from Martha Stewart--she's gone mean in the hoosegow).