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Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Big Bird, a member of the Hollywood Liberal Elite, Receiving His 1998 Emmy Award

Big Bird is Watching You!

The conspiracies of the left seem to surround historically important events such as the assinations of JFK, MLK, and Bobby Kennedy. For some strange reason, the conspiracies of the right seem to center around fictional characters, from Murphy Brown to Tinky Winky to Spongebob Squarepants.

Spongebob squarepants, according to Dobson, is part of a vast left wing conspiracy to spread tolerance.

The truth is, he's right.

That's exactly what we're up to. We believe, because we watched Sesame Street, listened to "Free to Be, You and Me", and learned about the constitution via Schoolhouse Rock, that Americans are free to pursue happiness as they see fit, and that we should be tolerant of others and try to get along. These are our values, this is our furry, fluffy, Big Bird-indoctrinated culture.

Most of the frontline soldiers fighting on my side in the conservative-initiated culture wars are muppets. Now, organized religion has joined us. Connect the dots, people, the conspiracy is now.

Joining the animated fray, the United Church of Christ today (Jan. 24) said that Jesus' message of extravagant welcome extends to all, including SpongeBob Squarepants - the cartoon character that has come under fire for allegedly holding hands with a starfish.

"Absolutely, the UCC extends an unequivocal welcome to SpongeBob," the Rev. John H. Thomas, the UCC's general minister and president, said, only partly in jest. "Jesus didn't turn people away. Neither do we."

For that matter, Thomas explained, the 1.3-million-member church, if given the opportunity, would warmly receive Barney, Big Bird, Tinky-Winky, Clifford the Big Red Dog or, for that matter, any who have experienced the Christian message as a harsh word of judgment rather than Jesus' offering of grace.

Read The UCC Press Release:
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