|The Ask Dr. Torture Show|
Dr. John Yoo: Welcome To The Ask Dr. Torture Show. I have Steve from Minnesota on the line.
Caller: Thanks Dr. Torture. I'm a long time listener, first time caller. I really loved your last show on the effectatious application of thumbscrews. Great show!
Dr. Yoo: Thanks. Do you have a question?
Caller: Yeah. I just need some guidance. I have this friend--I don't want to mention his real name--let's just call him Billy O'Reilly--who has always dreamed of applying electrodes to the genitals of another man. He's thinking of joining the military, but I told him that the president has said "We do not torture". Is there any chance he can live out his fantasy without breaking the law?
Dr. Yoo: Well, yes, yes he can! Thanks to my work on the Bybee Memo, torture is now defined so narrowly that only activities resulting in "death, organ failure or the permanent impairment of a significant body function" qualify.
Caller: Wow! Thanks Dr. Torture! So what you're saying is that, as long as it doesn't lead to permanent impairment, death, or organ failure, he can crank up the juice!
Dr. Yoo: That's what we're all about here at the Dr. Torture show--making dreams come true for guys like little Billy.
Caller: Gee, thanks Dr. Torture!
Tags:News and politics, Torture, Satire
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Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Monday, November 28, 2005
|The Representative From California Has The Floor|
Watching Washington has a great post on the rise and fall of corrupt congressman Duke Cunningham(R-California). Here's a few highlights from the illustrious career of the representative via WW:
Oct 6, 1992: Cunningham makes the Washington Post's "Reliable Source" column by suggesting the liberal leadership of the House should be "lined up and shot.".
Oct. 9, 1992: The Los Angeles Times quotes Cunningham as urging President Bush to attack Bill Clinton's patriotism, telling him: "This is an issue that will kill Clinton when people realize what a traitor he is to this country. In some countries, if something like this came out, he would be tried as a traitor. Tokyo Rose had nothing over Clinton.".
Cunningham pleaded guilty to taking 2.4 million in bribes today.
It couldn't happen to a nicer guy...maybe you and DeLay can be roomies in prison.
Come to think of it, you might have lots of roomates to chose from...
Cunningham's announcement comes as the Justice Department continues to pursue its investigation into whether former Republican lobbyist Jack Abramoff illegally influenced members of Congress and while Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Texas), the former majority leader, continues to battle charges in the Lone Star State that he illegally used corporate donations to influence statehouse races in 2002.
technorati tags: News and politics Corruption
Lie of the Day
The number of countries participating in the coalition has gone up.
-Donald Rumsfeld, Nov. 20th, 2005--an obvious falsehood the incompetent Bob Schieffer didn't challenge on Face The Nation.
There are currently 27 countries in the Coalition of the Coerced, down from 49 in 2003, and more are pulling out.
Tag, you're it! Rumsfeld
|The CIA Torture Diaries|
From Der Spiegel:
But the highest-ranking al-Qaida members are apparently kept moving with a small group of CIA interrogation experts, like an invisible caravan, from one of the so-called black sites to another. Outrage over claims that some of these secret prisons may be located at former military bases in Eastern Europe triggered the Council of Europe's investigation.
It may well be that the E.U. investigations will reveal that prisoners aren't being tortured in black sites across the world. Instead, the prisoners are tortured en route, and the planes stop at U.S. and foreign military bases to refuel, relax, and resupply.
It's possible that the torturers simply follow an intererary something like this:
Tuesday: Shackle and bind prisoners in stressful positions in cargo hold of Hercules transport. Retire to the airport lounge. Watch Oprah. Fly to Manizales, Columbia. Subject prisoners to repeated blows to abdomen and soles of feet. Arrive in Manizales, and share pitcher of margaritaas with colleages. Enjoy seafood by candlight on the beach. Wednesday: Meetings, mojitos, and bodysurfing.
Thursday: Fly to Swiniowice, Poland. Toruture detainees en route with electrodes. Watch Jerry Springer on AFN. Thursday-Sunday: Drink vodka and eat piroges. Watch bowl games. Monday: Back to the torture grind. Fly to Plovdiv, Bulgaria: waterboarding, stress positions, sexual humiliation. Tuesday: Onward to Incerlik, Turkey. More shocks, anal probing, AFN sitcoms, Kebabs, and Raki.
Like torturing in Guantamo Bay, torturing en route means that the authorities can avoid the legal ramifications and potential international incidents that go along with torture by proxy.
When the Democrats re-assume power in 2006, they should subpoena the records, emails, and directorates of Johnny Yoo, Alberto Gonzales, and Rummy to find out if this is indeed taking place.
Tag you're it! Torture
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
|Keep It Coming, Dick!|
So Mr. Vice President is going on the offensive, going after those who would call into question the Administration's Weapons of Mass Destruction claims.
Bring it on, Dick. The more you speak, the worse it gets for Republican candidates in 2006. If the RNCC had their wits about them, they'd ask you to climb back into your bunker along with your 19% approval rating.
It's increasingly evident to members of your own party that you're an excremental King Midas: everything you touch turns to shit, and even Rick Santorum wants to distance himself from the oval office.
"I like guys who got five deferments and (have) never been there and send people to war, and then don't like to hear suggestions about what needs to be done"
-Rep. John Murtha
Friday, November 18, 2005
|Orwellian Organization of the Day|
The International Peace Operations Association.
Don't they sound nice!
...The name itself conjures up images of Quakers grannies handing out oatmeal cookies to schoolchildren, doesn't it?
Here's what they actually are:
Mercenaries. Killers for hire. Thugs.
Actually, the International Peace Operations Association is a trade association representing the trade in human death and destruction, to be more precise; i.e. the lobbyists, convention-organizers, and public relations stooges for mercenaries, killers for hire, and thugs.
The membership rolls of the IPOA include such notables as Blackwater, MPRI, and Triple Canopy; three companies that are showcasing their "peacekeeping skills" in Iraq and Afghanistan.
The IPOA is also implicated in the 2004 coup attempt in Equatorial Guinea.
Dana Milbank writes on the latest Yellow Elephant Stampede in the Star Tribune:
In his 37 years in the military, John Murtha won two Purple Hearts, a Bronze Star with a Combat "V" and the Vietnamese Cross of Gallantry.
As a Democratic congressman from Pennsylvania for the past 31 years, he has been a fierce hawk, championing conflicts in Central America and the Persian Gulf.
On Thursday, he was called a coward.
After Murtha stunned the Capitol with a news conference calling for a pullout from Iraq because our "troops have done all they can," the denunciations came quickly and furiously.
House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Ill., accused Murtha of delivering "the highest insult" to the troops. "We must not cower," Hastert told the former Marine.
Majority Leader Roy Blunt, R-Mo., told Murtha that his views "only embolden our enemies" and lamented that "Democrats undermine our troops in Iraq from the security of their Washington, D.C., offices."
Rep. J.D. Hayworth, R-Ariz., told the 73-year-old Murtha that "the American people are made of sterner stuff." And Rep. John Carter, R-Texas, said the likes of Murtha want to take "the cowardly way out."
Murtha, whose brand of hawkishness has never been qualified by the word "chicken," was expecting the attacks: "I like guys who've never been there that criticize us who've been there. I like that."
Carter, Hastert, Blunt and Hayworth have no military service record.
Imagine that. Four Republican congressmen in favour of the war who never served themselves. What are the odds?
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Dick Cheney: Lying Repeatedly, Often, and Irrefutably
It's time for an intervention....
The Iraq on the Record database contains 237 misleading statements about the threat posed by Iraq that were made by President Bush, Vice President Cheney, Secretary Rumsfeld, Secretary Powell, and National Security Advisor Rice. These statements were made in 125 separate appearances, consisting of 40 speeches, 26 press conferences and briefings, 53 interviews, 4 written statements, and 2 congressional testimonies. Most of the statements in the database were misleading because they expressed certainty where none existed or failed to acknowledge the doubts of intelligence officials.
Ten of the statements were simply false.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Monday, November 14, 2005
|Behold! The Mighty Stevodamus Will Now Predict The Future!|
I've consulted with the oracles of Delphi, dissected squirrels and read their entrails, and consulted my crystal ball.
Here is the prediction of the infallible Stevodamus:
President Bush will travel to Elmendorf Air Force Base in Alaska today. He will speak before a captive audience of American troops who cannot challenge his dubious assertions.
This is what he will claim:
Bush will claim that Saddam Hussein had a deadly arsenal of weapons of mass destruction in his hand, and that he was a grave threat to our security.
Furthermore, the oracles inform me, he will claim that more than a hundred Democrats in the House and the Senate, who had access to the same intelligence, voted to support removing Saddam Hussein from power.
In other words, the president will lie to us yet again.
In Sept. 2002 congress passed a resolution giving Bush the flexibility to take action against Iraq militarily if necessary.
"He made it repeatedly clear that this resolution is not intended as a declaration of war; it is not intended as an immediate prior step to aggression," Rep. John McHugh, R-N.Y., said after he and eight other lawmakers met with Bush prior to the vote.
Did the lawmakers have the "same intelligence" as the Bush Administration prior to the vote?
...Only if you interpret "same intelligence" to mean that some of the congressmen who voted for the resolution are as dumb as the president.
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
|Remember...We're The Good Guys|
Just keep repeating it to yourself. Americans would never use chemical weapons. Only fascists like Saddam Hussein use chemical weapons.
After all, it can't be true because the Pentagon denies it. They never lie to us; never have, never will. Two plus two equals five.
Italian state TV, Rai, has broadcast a documentary accusing the US military of using white phosphorus bombs against civilians in the Iraqi city of Falluja.
Rai says this amounts to the illegal use of chemical arms, though the bombs are considered incendiary devices.
Eyewitnesses and ex-US soldiers say the weapon was used in built-up areas in the insurgent-held city.
The US military denies this, but admits using white phosphorus bombs in Iraq to illuminate battlefields.
Washington is not a signatory of an international treaty restricting the use of white phosphorus devices.
|Team America World Police: Torture Edition|
"We do not torture", the president proclaimed to the world.
Does anyone actually believe him, even his most strident supporters? As Jon Stewart said, Americans are being asked to believe either a) their eyes b) their ears, or c)the President.
Today, the NYT reported the following under the heading "Classified Report Warned on C.I.A.'s Tactics in Interrogation"
A classified report issued last year by the Central Intelligence Agency's inspector general warned that interrogation procedures approved by the C.I.A. after the Sept. 11 attacks might violate some provisions of the international Convention Against Torture, current and former intelligence officials say.
The previously undisclosed findings from the report, which was completed in the spring of 2004, reflected deep unease within the C.I.A. about the interrogation procedures, the officials said. A list of 10 techniques authorized early in 2002 for use against terror suspects included one known as waterboarding, and went well beyond those authorized by the military for use on prisoners of war.
We all know torture has, and is being inflicted in our name.
The only remaining card to play for the conservative pro-torture crowd is to argue that torture is appropriate in some circumstances.
At this point, the right wing quasi-intelligencia respond with the following doomsday scenario:
What if the police capture someone ‘known’ to have a ticking a-bomb secreted somewhere in a major city, and ‘know’ they have only 24 hours to get the location before it goes off.
In this scenario, they argue, torture is a necessary evil to protect the common good.
Let's assume that such a hypothetical situation could actually occur. Does this then justify us codifying torture as the law of the land as Cheney would prefer?
John McCain doesn't think so, and neither do I.
Here's how he responded to this scenario in response to questioning from CNN's Soledad O'Brien:
O'Brien: Aren't there examples, though -- where are examples, maybe, where torture is the only option left?
MCCAIN: Well, first of all, torture doesn't work, as we have proved. Second of all, if there was a one in a million situation where that would happen, then the president would take responsibility for it.
The Bush Administation's position, in capsule form, is this:
Torture isn't happening. Take our word for it. If someone can prove it is taking place, it's justified. Therefore, nobody needs to know about it, or hold us accountable for it.
In any event, it can be demonstrably proved the president is a liar.
As soon as we have a majority in the Congress, Democrats should press for an impeachment.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
|Dee DePass, Corporate Kiss-Ass Reporter for the Minneapolis Star-Tribune|
Among right wing Minnesotans, the Strib is known as "The Red Star of the North", but in actuality, it's nothing more than a provincial wire service filter/corporate kissup generator.
Sorry, Catherine. I know there are a lot of good people on staff (such as yourself), but it's the truth.
In a front page article, business reporter Dee DePass plays the role of dutiful,fawning scribe to Alliant Techsystems CEO Don Murphy.
"They have tried and constantly want to meet with me. And I just say there is no point. It certainly is not going to change their mind," said Murphy, wearily shaking his head. "No, I can never communicate with them. Because [they are] people who are so insulated from the realities of the world, so unappreciative of those who are making sacrifices for them so they can do their protest and do their café latte ... .
"These people have been protesting whatever the protest of the day is since I was in college. ... If it weren't depleted uranium [a key concern of the protesters], it would be something else."
Alliant officials can tick off a list of the protesters' errors:
Depleted uranium? Only one Alliant product uses it, a 120mm tank shell that is intended for use only against other tanks.
Cluster bombs? Alliant hasn't made them since about 1995.
Land mines? Same thing.
Are these really errors on the part of protestors, or are these facts in dispute?
If she read her own paper, Dee DePass would realize that, on at least one point, the Alliant officials are blowing smoke up her ass; her deep, deep, ass.
published January 22, 2005 in the Star Tribune:
Alliant's remote mines to be tested in Iraq
The U.S. Army will test in Iraq a new remote-control weapon developed by Alliant Techsystems Inc. and Textron Inc. that lets soldiers control minefields, including repelling intruders without killing them. The Matrix system uses a laptop computer to remotely control both lethal M-18 claymore munitions and nonlethal M-5 modular crowd-control devices, which contain rubber pellets, Army spokesman Frank Misurelli said. Alliant and Textron, based in Providence, R.I., won a $54 million contract in 2002 to begin developing the weapon system in a 50-50 joint venture.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
|I Heart Huffington|
If you haven't checked out The Huffington Post yet, you should. While the well-connected, well-heeled Huffington is a representative of the Democratic establishment, her tart and pithy posts and guest posts are often a pleasure to read.
...I'm getting the impression she doesn't much care for Judy Miller.